tired of being home.

im so tired of all this shit at home. WTF. i dont understand why my mom can appreciate things i do for her. She always complains and it still feels like im never gonna be good enough for her to finally accept me for who i am and accept that i do what i can to help her. Here at home it should feel like home, but unfortunately it doesnt. We feel really unwanted here, we don't leave our room because we'll get told stupid shit and we don't eat her food because she'll tell me shit. so i cant wait til we can move out and not be here. 

Whats wrong? :(

so things at home suck alot right now. Everything is just so annoying and i find myself in my room all day everyday. So im really happy when Frank comes home and hangs out with me for a lil bit b4 he gets to sleep. its gives us a chance to talk about our day and talk about some things we need to get done. He makes me feel loved and cared for, since im not feeling that here at home, ya i have izarra but still. Its hard to love someone and give them your heart because you dont know whether or not they'll break it. It took me a while to give mine away again, and when i did i was so happy that i did. I'm not saying that i regret it now, its just that its so hard to love some one who says they love you, but i guess its not enough love . I say that because you find this person who youd think be the last one to hurt you be hurting you daily. He says he loves me yet he cant keep a simple fucking promise to me and he lies to my face. I dunno if i can take this anymore. why the fuck is it so hard to keep a fucking promise to someone you love, let alone be able to lie to their face like if they were a stranger......i love frank but i just wish he'd tell me the truth more often and keep his promises. Now is where i need him the most but he goes and does this and thinks i wont find out about it...WTF. I'm tired of being lied to.......idk what to do, but all i can do is just forget it and not care anymore...i dont give a fuck what he does anymore..he doesnt care about how i feel so why should i..ive told him how i feel when im lied to and when he breaks promises, and he still does it, so now its like whatever. He "cares" but oh well....idk..i miss frank being frank. Himself but idk whats going on. i dont understand whats wrong with me.....yes, i blame myself because if he was satisfied with me then he wouldnt be lying to me.....right?..

Darn Dream

So for a while now i've been having a dream about this girl who i used to be friends with until i dont know what happened and everything went to shit. Yea, my brothers and I used to be mean to her but she used to play the same way with us so it was fair. Anyways everything went to shit and we stopped talking and she started talking about me behind my back. I really didnt care that she did it but i wanted to know what she was saying, I never found out so oh well. So in the dream im with her and she's talking to me. She's telling me that she needs my help because she's going through a hard time and really needs me to be there for her and let the past be the past. So when I wake up i get to thinking, I really do want to apologize for whatever i did wrong because i dont like holding grudges with people and i dont like to be mean to ppl without ever apologizing (if i feel that i need to apologize) And i do feel like it. Maybe she is going through a hard time and maybe she does need someone to help her. I dont care what happened in the past and i want to fix it (be the bigger man, er uh..WOman) and get it over with. So my dilemma is; do i send her a message to meet me on messenger or do i send her a message with my letter of apology?. I can't call her due to me not having her number. I'm pretty sure yall know who i'm talking about....HELP!

Soooo

The weekend went by sooooooo slow! Frank had to work today, he only gets saturdays off so I guess thats good. It's nice to spend some time together for talking, snuggling and smooching! =] I do miss him a lot when he goes to work but I cant say anything because he NEEDS to go to work. We need the money. So I do understand that I will see him daily but hang out with him rarely. So as time goes by I do get the hang of getting everything done on my own and seeing him once in a while. He's only been there for a week but still feels like forever and he hasnt gotten paid! lol i sound greedy but he actually needs the money to fix his stupid car! >_<>_< Ugh damn car! So today it overheated again like right around the corner to our house and he was fricken MAD because he had to go to work in a hour. My brother and him checked out his car and they found  out that one of the pipes were ripped, so with no money and no ride or no time to fix it, they cut it and replaced it. It should work for atleast this week so that way he can buy a new one Friday hopefully when he gets paid. So yea im hungry and Izarras sleeping and Franks at work and mom and dad are at some church thing for some dead guy. I'd make food but im waiting for my mom to come home with the things I need so i can get to cookin. So I'm hungry and my turtle is hungry cuz he's just looking at me and banging on his lil cage dealie for me to look at him and feed him so i gotta go feed him!

WTF!

So last nite we saw "The Uninvited" and "Notorious". Frist off let me say that 'scary' movies don't tend to scare me, unless thay're like hardcore old skool. So the movie uninvited was quite an awesome movie. As we were watching it, I couldn't look away! But I didn't want to keep starin cuz like you feel that something is gonna pop out or something like that so I did get scared a couple of time to where I actually didnt wanna watch the rest of the moive. I ended up still watching it and yep it was a cool one. It was WAY better than "The haunting of molly hartley" Now THAT movie was annoying. So after Uninvited we watched Notorious and It was so so cool. I really loved that movie. So that movie is like MY Twilight. ha ha, anyways uh yea. I would have totally went to spend my money on that movie if I had the money. What I'm saying is that yall should watch em both! In Notorious I cried =[ Stupid Tupac and dumb shit with the West coast and East coast. Ugh poor BigE. 

At the moment I finally have a break and some time to myself. Today we had to go buy some other stuff that we needed that we forgot to pick up yesterday. Then we went to pick up my brother from school and came home. Gus just changed and went to work. Ugh I miss him terribly! By the time I am going to go to sleep he should be coming back from work, so i guess thats a YaY?! but still I miss him =[ Oh today we found the cell I want at Walmart for 50 bucks and I think I'll be getting it Friday! yay me :)  Since I already have a phone with Att they are selling me the one I want for 50 bucks, so we're taking the offer.

Uh......I don't think i've said this before but I am already planning Izarra's 1st birthday party! She's gonna be so old my poor baby! lol she's napping right now and I am supposed to be eating dinner but I don't find myself very hungry. So about Izarra's birthday party, I'll be making the invites again and I'm so excited for her! Hopefully everyone will show up to her 1ST BIRTHDAY PARTY! lol mom says im planning a little too early but I don't think so. Her birthday isn't until July but STILL!! So yep, thats all folks!

PS> I miss GUS! =[

My 420

So it's Monday and I  had a tiring day as im sure I wasn't the only one. Today Frank had his orientation and had to get up wayy early. So I got up when he did to say bye and I thought to myself "Yess now I get to sleep til' noon!" Unfortunately Izarra didn't think do. She woke up at 7am and I thought it was fricking noon cuz the sun was out so bright that my dark curtains couldn't keep the light out. So anyways I get up in a rush because I had an appointment today at the dR's and WIC and I was all thinking that I was gonna be late to them cuz I woke up late. So I rush to make Izarra her bottle and then rush to the bathroom to wake myself up a bit more. So I wash my face/brushed teeth and combed my hair, not to mention do my make up. Anywhoo when I got out of the bathroom I look up to the clock and see that its only 7AM!! I was like "WTF" so I layed back down, but not to sleep because Izarra wanted to play. 

So since Frank was gone all day and Izarra had me all to herself she took advantage! lol by the time Frank came home to pick us up to go to our appointments I was tired. We played everything I can think of and she ate every hour or so and only took like a 30 minute nap. She's quite the energizer bunny! So today was hot and i had a fun/crazy day. I did miss Frank though. At the moment he and Izarra are both napping. Soon I'll have to wake him up so we can go shopping for some things that are needed. Uh......Oh yea so Frank has an awesome job now and now we can actually save money and move into our own place. Its so exciting but scary, but I can't wait! Oh yea, Soon I'll be getting a new cell phone again. Nothing wrong with my old one, but Frank wants me to get a new one! YaY! So Thoughtfull! :) Yep, so thats all for today!