Here again.

So I'm back at dear old mommas house because we're homeless and here is the only place we know we can go..Things were good for the first week and then the second week started getting territorial with things like; oh this is my food make your own, that's not mine you clean it blah blah blah..Then the third week comes along and its back to drama like when I was living here. So yelling at me for no reason, telling me I'm lazy blah blah blah same ol' same ol'. It's annoying and it still hurts my feelings but oh well.. I'm trying to mind my own business but I somehow get in trouble :/ I'm ready to move away but I have no where else to go, especially with my babies & Frank.
It's like being back in this room isnt good for us at all. I hate when couples pretend that their relationship is picture perfect and don't admit to having arguments...Well Frank & I fight from time to time, not always and not for long, its usually because of him making me mad. Maybe its because he's with us 24/7 and we never do anything but take care of our kids and never get a break just for us....Idk, hopefully he gets a job soon, I want a job...Anyway with him mad at me & my parents whose there to support me? My oldest brother has his kids, my other brother is busy working, my little brother has his girl & my sister is busy with school.. there's 11 people in this house but I feel alone ...most of my friends don't really talk to me, let alone hang out with me...I do love my life being with my kids but I really do miss my friends Alot.

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Im getting really sick & tired of the way things are here at home. Under daily basis im being yelled at that i dont do anything, that i need to learn how to cook & clean.& im left like WHAT THE FUCK?!! I FUCKIN COOK AND CLEAN. Seriously, i dont understand what the fuck more is wanted from me. Does she want me to fuckin feed it to her directly in her mouth and fuckin wash her ass for her too? >_< .....I cook dinner daily for EVERYONE, yet my mother dearest still comes home & idk what the fuck she expects. I clean after i cook & the counter & if Izarra makes a mess somewhere else i go & clean after her. So even after everyone eats & the dishes left over are theirs & the pans that has the food in them are empty, im called to go clean after it. Im going CRAZY

egh

So My bday just past this sunday and it was soo boring it left me thinking about everything in life. I have no complaints about my baby and baby daddy. Sometimes my family get on my bad side because they seem to not care about everything i do for them but egh, i get over it. The thing ive come to realize is that there is one thing that i cant really get over. Not to long ago i hung out with a friend of mine just me, him, and izarra for a couple of hours. IDK if its me who changed who i am or its them that grown up with out me and so thats why were different people now....like idk it was just weird. It wasnt like old times where we would talk forever when we'd go out and thered be no awkward silences... Recently ive been cleaning out my "closet" and found a lot of old pictures with old friends and found letters and drawings and just alotta things i use to do with my friends and i got sad. I came to realized that everyone i used to talk to dont talk to me for a reason, i dunno if its something i did or if its just cuz i have a baby and so out of nowhere no one can talk to me because im a mom. I only have like 3 or 4 real friends who talk to me some what on daily basis and do keep in touch and dont mind hanging out with me, my baby, and BD (baby daddy).......i should say, let alone me. So IDK ive just been quite depressed looking and finding old things. i guess i just miss going out and having fun. Im not saying that i dont like staying home with Izarra 24/7.  Its just itd be nice if i had someone to talk to about anything without being judged or without feeling like if i say something they'll tell someone and everything will still somehow get out.....IDK if you're reading this just ignore it...i just needa vent and ill feel better....i just miss a lot of my old friends....And i am now having that feeling where i feel that i grew up too fast cuz i had a baby. But I DO NOT regret anything ive done in my life. I DO NOT regret having my baby and staying with my fiance.  I LVOE THEM TO DEATH, they are my world...IDK im just sad this week and i hate it. =[

S-U-C-C-E-S-S thats the way you spell Success!! :)

Aug 1

Okay so for like a couple of weeks now my brother has been asking me when are we gonna go out to eat at this awesome chinese food place (Chinese Star). Well we've been poor a good amount of the time, due to saving up for Izarras party, bills and then the car breaking down, then other bills that my parents added as well. So we roughly pay about $550 bucks a month for everything, and thats not even counting gas and needs! So with Frank the only one working its hard for us to buy something we may want, so we have to only stick to our needs, but mostly Izarras needs. Anyway we finally had some money to spare this week due to all the overtime Franks been putting in at work and I told my brother that we might be able to go out this weekend, so the day came and Frank took forever to get ready cuz he was out FINALLY washing his car and cleaning it. So when he finally came inside I yelled at him to go shower cuz Alex and nancy were ready and they were waiting on us. Well when he got out of the shower he saw that i wasnt ready yet, I mean my hair was did and my make-up but i wasnt dressed and i was all like "dude calm down i just put izarra to sleep and all i gotta do is put on my clothes" so i shanged my shirt and was in search for ym pants, well I couldnt find them anywhere, i dug in the hamper of dirty clothes and in the closet and around the room and I couldnt find my damn pants anywhere, Fuckin pants >_< I was getting mad cuz I couldnt find em and we were already running late. So Frank was all like "did you look on my side of the closet" and I was all like "No why would they be there if its not my side!!" I was annoyed and mad so anyways he took the liberty of looking anyway and he found em :) Yay Frank! ^_^ lol i felt bad for yelling at him but i thanked him anyways :) So anyways we went to the food place and ate, then rushed off to the movie place and saw the movie! It was effin awesome. Twas not scary at all but I loved all the gorey stuffs! ahhhhh was so cool =] I was very satisfied ^_^ so then we went to walmart after and Frank got me some new jeans :) lol I didnt say no cuz i knew i needed em :) Its nice to fit into some jeans :) ......i gotta go cuz jasmines rushing me out the door to make pinatas so ttyl bye bye!

Finally have time....

so its been a long while since i last posted a blog so i think its about time to write another one. there has been so many times where i really wanted to blog but unfortunately i have a limited time on the computer. LOL thats right! IZARRA doesn't really let me get on the computer as much as I used to. She wants all my attention or throw a fit and since I love seeing her happy I tend to give up the computer since its not really important. So we've all been good and i'll tell you more rite now..

So recently Izarra turned ONE and we had a birthday party for her of course! It wasn't this huge-o thing with big ass expensive things but I think it was awesome enuff. She and all the other kids loved it, not to mention other ADULTS who said they had a great time. It was very stressful to get everything done and do pretty much everything myself, because most of the things were handmade and personalized and Frank doesn't like doing that kind of stuff so i had him watch Izarra while i worked on things. So our friend ♪Heart@ttack♪ offered to be our photographer for the party and we gladly accepted =] he's pretty awesome with photos and edits. It felt kinda weird though that I wasn't the one taking pics, but we still got awesome pics :) we also had a CAKE of course! and a pinata and relatives and PRESENTS! and uh.......face painting and home-made personalized party favors, and i dont member what else....but ya after all the stress it was well worth it :) SO yea, she's one. it's so weird, like I don't believe it but she's growing and isn't my lil lil newborn baby no more. I still love her but its like AWwwwwww....lol

So Frank is of course still working, same place different pay. He got a raise and he also became a certified fork lift driver. Recently they told him that he was gonna have to be competing with his co-worker for another raise. So hopefully MY Frank gets it (the other guy is named Frank too) But ya im cheering for him whether or not he gets it, I am still proud of him :) yes dear im proud of you! ^_^ Uh another thing about Frank is that he's lost some major weight! Like im not calling him a hardcore fatass but he was quite husky...now he's this skinny bitch with finely toned arms....*drool*.....i loved him as a fatty but im getting used to this skinny bitch =] but his arms i LOVE very much! lol *blushes* ......*sigh* ......Uh...i 4got what i was gonna say....So uh...he still loves us and we love him.

So me.....well whats there to say. I'm still a fatty, jobless and sometimes depressed. Although daily Izarra and Frank make me smile and laugh til i cant breathe. LOL there were many situations where things were bad but i laughed it off because i didnt feel like being mad or sad about our financial situation..lol like my fav was wen frank had got paid and when he came home round 3:30am we were adding up our bills and seeing how much money we'd be left with. Well, he was adding everything and then in the end when he pushed equals it came out to $-10.00 and he was ALL mad and I was HARDCORE laughing and I couldnt breathe. He looked at me all confused at why i was laughing and it took a while (like an hour) for me to be able to tell him why i was laughing, Gosh i thought it was so funny! *sigh* yea...um...we still live here at my moms house in this lil hot room. But now the AC works and it doesnt get so hot anymore so thats something good I guess...Um...We all wake up at 1pm after going to sleep at 4am....uh....sometimes i still argue with my ma but things are good with us rite now..Except that they're going to Pismo manana and I wanna go too but unfortunately we can't cuz were poor and our car is broken..AGAIN. effin car...um....*scratches head* Izarra just woke up from her I guess "nap"....Oh! I cut my hair, i think imma cut it a bit shorter. I wanted to curly it but since i cut it i dont think i'll do it until it grows back as long as it was before. But uh yea, i wanna cut it a bit shorter but im not sure if frank will approve of it. he likes my hair as is, but im still gonna cut it =] well i think thats all for now....oh! I saw this girl i knew and she was all ignoring me...fuckin bitch...you know what i hafta say something else, but ill type it later cuz Izarras kicking me off already TTYL!! Cya!