Monday, May 25, 2009
im so tired of all this shit at home. WTF. i dont understand why my mom can appreciate things i do for her. She always complains and it still feels like im never gonna be good enough for her to finally accept me for who i am and accept that i do what i can to help her. Here at home it should feel like home, but unfortunately it doesnt. We feel really unwanted here, we don't leave our room because we'll get told stupid shit and we don't eat her food because she'll tell me shit. so i cant wait til we can move out and not be here.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
so things at home suck alot right now. Everything is just so annoying and i find myself in my room all day everyday. So im really happy when Frank comes home and hangs out with me for a lil bit b4 he gets to sleep. its gives us a chance to talk about our day and talk about some things we need to get done. He makes me feel loved and cared for, since im not feeling that here at home, ya i have izarra but still. Its hard to love someone and give them your heart because you dont know whether or not they'll break it. It took me a while to give mine away again, and when i did i was so happy that i did. I'm not saying that i regret it now, its just that its so hard to love some one who says they love you, but i guess its not enough love . I say that because you find this person who youd think be the last one to hurt you be hurting you daily. He says he loves me yet he cant keep a simple fucking promise to me and he lies to my face. I dunno if i can take this anymore. why the fuck is it so hard to keep a fucking promise to someone you love, let alone be able to lie to their face like if they were a stranger......i love frank but i just wish he'd tell me the truth more often and keep his promises. Now is where i need him the most but he goes and does this and thinks i wont find out about it...WTF. I'm tired of being lied to.......idk what to do, but all i can do is just forget it and not care anymore...i dont give a fuck what he does anymore..he doesnt care about how i feel so why should i..ive told him how i feel when im lied to and when he breaks promises, and he still does it, so now its like whatever. He "cares" but oh well....idk..i miss frank being frank. Himself but idk whats going on. i dont understand whats wrong with me.....yes, i blame myself because if he was satisfied with me then he wouldnt be lying to me.....right?..